Bumps in the Night
by native portlandian
Summary: With five teenage roommates, things are bound to get awkward. One-shot.


Disclaimer – I only have gross ideas. Here's one of my short ones.

…

Robin had very fine tuned hearing. He took very good care of his ears – considering they could be the difference between his life and death in a sneak attack. It was nearly impossible to sneak past him, and he woke up at even the slightest sound. This was both a blessing and a curse.

When it came to living in a house with an…_active_…couple, it was most certainly a curse.

Robin clenched his teeth tightly together and pressed his palms over his ears as yet another howl echoed down the hallways. He was sincerely regretting telling Cyborg _not_ to install soundproof walls, originally claiming that he wanted to be aware of the Tower's security twenty-four seven. But good lord, was it worth it?

A crash made the floor rattle for a moment. The first time it had happened (thirty minutes earlier), Robin had jolted awake and sprinted out the door and down the hall to check the monitors, only to discover that everything was fine. More than fine for certain people, much to the leader's discomfort. Every night for the past _two weeks_, Robin had lain awake for an hour or two trying to block out the disturbing sounds. Around day four he had considered putting a ban on those kinds of relations in the Tower, but was both uncomfortable with the idea of bringing it up and unwilling to give up the less often experiences with his own girlfriend. All the same, at least he and Starfire were _quiet_.

Two loud cries; pain or pleasure, Robin could not tell and didn't want to know. He sighed and turned to look at the digital clock on his nightstand. He groaned at the time: 3:39 a.m. For the love of all things holy, why did they need to do it at such an awful hour? The Boy Wonder sat up in bed and reached over to turn on the lamp next to the alarm clock. The sudden burst of light made him groan quietly. His room was as neat as ever; shelves holding his books and CDs, a hanging punching bag in the corner, and a desk stacked with file folders from the evidence room. Robin knew that _somewhere_ he had a pair of earplugs.

He pulled the covers back, cringing as a deep groan rumbled down the hallway. He grabbed his mask from its spot next to his bed and situated it on his face, blinking a few times to get used to the feeling. The dark blue carpet felt almost cold under his bare feet. Robin quickly pulled on a pair of black socks conveniently sitting next to his hamper. He then walked to the closet to grab a shirt.

"OH, AZAR!" The exclamation, loud enough to be considered a scream, sent Robin leaping to defense mode, knocking into a shelf in the process. A little martial arts trophy he had one in a local competition fell to the ground and shattered. The team leader sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Now he had to clean up the glass pieces.

Grumbling under his breath, Robin finished putting on his shirt and pressed the button to open his bedroom door. Someone was in for harsh training tomorrow.

…

Don't get him wrong, Cyborg was really happy his friends were gettin' some. Hell, about time. He had high-fived Beast Boy the first few times it happened. But now, well into week two, Cy just wanted to sleep. Who the hell was horny at four a.m?

Cyborg spent the time at night mostly recharging his batteries, but he was _still_ human, and his human brain desperately needed sleep. He checked his battery percentage: 78%. He groaned and let his head fall back against the metal table he slept against. Not as much as he'd like. Just down the hallway, a few words were yelled that Cyborg could have done without hearing. Yeah, he'd talked to B about how incredibly _loud_ his activities were, but the younger boy had just shrugged. "Talk to Rae about that, bro." And there was no way in _hell_ Cyborg was gonna ask Raven to keep her sex screams down. He'd just end up saying "You're half the problem, BB." And nothing would be accomplished.

He'd tried talking to Robin about it, but the leader had just turned a deep red and snapped that it wasn't his business. The Boy Wonder had been extra grumpy lately, which probably had something to do with the fact that only two members of the team got a good night's "rest".

"This wouldn't be a problem if we had sound-proof walls," Cy grumbled to himself. The time, which always flickered at the corner of his robot eye, showed 3:42 A.M. Cyborg had been mentally blocking out a great deal of the noise (which was hard when it was just two doors down), but couldn't not hear the sudden scream of "OH, AZAR!" followed swiftly by the crashing of glass.

"Good lord," the half-robot grumbled, rubbing a large metal hand over his face. More broken things he'd have to fix. He gritted his teeth at the thought. If it was another light bulb, someone else was gonna change it this time. No one could sucker him into it just because he was the tallest member of the household. Not this time.

Cyborg sighed in defeat and stepped off of his table-bed, taking away the blue glow he gave off while charging. The room was immediately shrouded in blackness. Cyborg soon discovered that the blackness coupled with the constant thumps and groans was terrifying, and quickly flipped on his shoulder lights. As soon as he did it, a bloodcurdling scream practically blasted the walls, followed swiftly by a shorter, shriller one. Then a loud boom. Cy instinctively switched his arm to a cannon, but as the original scream died into a moan he felt less freaked out and more angry. Had they no shame? Didn't they realize that not everyone in the tower slept like goddam corpses?

Grumbling angrily, Cyborg took back his cannon and stomped to the door. Maybe a midnight snack would put him in a better mood.

…

Starfire was absolutely certain that the Tower was haunted. She had seen numerous of the scary movies, and had partaken in the "Halloweening" more than once. All of the warning signs were there: screams (sometimes with the expletives Robin did not like), moans (zombies? Ghosts?), growls (could there be a monster?), and a great deal of thumping, much like the "bumps in the night" she had heard all about. Starfire was no stranger to horror. Tameran was much more dangerous than what most earth citizens could handle. Supernatural things, on the other hand, were a completely different boat to Star.

She had considered going to Robin about it, but knew that the Boy Wonder was a firm believer in reality. So a few days into the suspected haunting, Starfire had gone to Raven with her concerns. The sorceress had raised an eyebrow at the Tameranian's confession that "the Tower is filled with the spooky creatures", and told Starfire that "she spent too much time listening to Beast Boy". Nothing had been accomplished.

At the moment, Starfire was sitting in the center of her bed, clutching Silkie to her chest with a blanket over her head. The worm was trying to squirm out of the alien girl's tight grip, gurgling with discomfort. Thirty seconds before, the loudest cry of all of them had echoed throughout the Tower (sounding eerily like Raven…it even used her chosen deity!) and was followed by a loud crash from much closer. Starfire had squealed and snatched up her pet. Even though it was illogical to hide beneath her flimsy pink blanket, she felt that perhaps it would erect at least a small barrier between her and whatever beasties lurked outside.

"My precious bumgorf," she whispered to the struggling larva. "Will you not be still?" As if in protest, Silkie pushed himself from her arms with one massive wriggle and began scooting to the edges of the covers. Starfire panicked and flung herself at the pet, but it was too late. Silkie had escaped the safety of the blankets.

Starfire sat back on her bare legs, bringing her fingers to her mouth. Dare she set foot outside of the safe haven that was her bed? What if a creepy creature was waiting to pounce on her? Or ghosts ready to knock things from her shelves like in the _Paranormal Activity_? The alien girl shivered at the thought. But she had to save her bumgorf, even if it meant risking her life.

She began her slow crawl from beneath the blankets, biting her tongue and praying she wouldn't come face to face with a horrific ghoul. Her room was just as dark as before, and there didn't seem to be anything out of place. She let out a sigh of relief.

As soon as she did so, a bloodcurdling scream rocked the Tower walls. At the same moment, she let out a short screech of her own out of pure fear. The panic was enough to drive her to blast through her door and fly as quickly as possible to where she felt safest: the common room.

…

Robin was pulling the broom out of the closet off of the kitchen when the first scream occurred. The second scream, much higher than the first, made him drop the broom. The explosion that followed made the leader leap up the stairs and toward the noise. Just as he was stepping into the hallway, a pink and orange blur rocketed into him, sending all of the breath from his body.

It took the Boy Wonder a few seconds to realize that it wasn't an attacker, but rather his petrified girlfriend. Starfire was clutching him tightly, at least four feet from the floor. The poor girl was bawling her eyes out, much to Robin's confusion and discomfort.

"Oh, Robin!" the alien wailed. "I am so glad you are still doing the living!"

Robin furrowed his brow, patting his friend reassuringly on the shoulder. "Um, me too?" Starfire began to float slowly to the ground, allowing her thoroughly squeezed boyfriend to place his feet back on the floor. "Star, what's –"

The common room doors slid open suddenly. Starfire let out a yelp and let loose a starbolt in the direction of the sound. Cyborg, who had been the one entering, jumped out of the way. The blast left a charred circle on the wall next to the half-robot's head.

"What the hell was that?" he cried, gesturing wildly to the new hole. Starfire blushed, sinking behind Robin.

"I am sorry, friend Cyborg," she said softly, twisting one dainty foot on the carpet. "I thought you were the murderer of axes." Cyborg blinked a few times, and then looked at Robin.

"What," he said, "is she talking about?" Robin shrugged, looking more confused than Cyborg.

"I'm not sure. I think she means axe murderer?"

Starfire nodded vigorously, her luminous green eyes wide with fear. Cyborg shook his head. "Now I have two reasons to kick Beast Boy's little green ass."

Robin ran one ungloved hand through his messy black hair. "Can I help?" he muttered. Starfire remained confused.

"What does Beast Boy have to do with the haunting?" she whispered, as if afraid someone would overhear.

"The what?" Cyborg whispered back.

"_The haunting_," she emphasized. Robin pinched the bridge of his nose.

"The Tower isn't haunted, Starfire," he soothed. Star bit her lip.

"Then what about the screams? And the "bumps of the night"?"

Cyborg cocked his eyebrow. "You think that's a ghost?"

The alien girl cocked her head to the side. "Is it not? I have done much of the research _and_ seen the _Paranormal Activity_."

Robin and Cyborg locked eyes for a moment, as if arguing over which one would be the one to tell her. The half-robot grimaced. "Uh-uh. You're the boyfriend. You gotta give her the talk."

The Boy Wonder flushed a deep red. "That's not fair!" he growled. Starfire stepped between the two boys.

"Please, let us not bicker." She turned to her boyfriend. "Robin, what are you hesitant to speak to me about?" Robin's face continued to darken in color. Cyborg had a smug grin.

"Well..." He looked down at the floor, brushing his fingers over the back of his neck. "So, um…Raven and Beast Boy….uh….love each other a lot…and um…they tend to get….er….noisy?"

Starfire's small eyebrows furrowed. "Are you speaking of doing the…kissing? I never knew this to initiate screams, Robin, although sometimes you do the moaning." Cyborg squealed and slapped a huge hand over his mouth, trying to keep in the laughter just begging to be let out. Robin had never wanted so much to throw a smoke bomb onto the ground and disappear into the darkness. Unfortunately, his utility belt and all of his weapons were stashed away in his room.

"Uh…more than kissing, Star," he mumbled. The Tameranian squinted in concentration before the realization hit her like a bullet.

"Ah! You mean the sexual intercourse!"

Cyborg couldn't keep it in anymore. He burst into laughter, the deep peals filling the room and echoing down the hallways. After a moment, Robin joined in, albeit hesitantly and much softer. Starfire, who did not understand what was so funny, began laughing as hard as possible. The three were bent over, cackling so much and so loudly that they didn't notice the doors slide open. Beast Boy stood in the entryway, wearing nothing but purple boxer shorts. His green hair looked as though it had been through a wind tunnel.

"DUDES," Beast Boy yelled above their laughter. "Could you maybe take it down a few notches? Some people want to sleep! Yeesh!" He stomped back off down the hallway, letting the doors close behind him.

Cyborg growled playfully. "Nuh uh! He is not gettin' off THAT easily!" Standing up straight, the half-robot followed the shape-shifter, yelling: "BB I want you to come over here and say that to my face! Whatcha think I've been trying to do for the past two weeks? I'll give ya three guesses."

The door closed, leaving Robin and Starfire alone in the dark common room. Starfire was still chuckling.

"It is ironic because friend Beast Boy has been keeping _us_ awake with the sound of his intercourse with Raven!" she tittered. Robin pursed his lips, the blush still fiery on his cheeks.

"Star? Do me a favor."

"Yes, boyfriend Robin?"

"Never say that sentence again."


End file.
